Dating my former teacher

Are you even a teacher? I'll be student teaching next semester, in CO, if you actually care. But in spite of my unwarranted attacks on your vehement character, the countless downvotes and rebuttal from others in this thread are an indicator that you are out of touch with the dominant teaching culture.

I hope you can still see your penis under your gut, happy holidays ad hominem is my favorite fallacy: I can do this all day. I'll look for you in the news. Feelings can not be helped. The fact the teacher did NOT take advantage when he could speaks more volumes for his character than if he had not had the feelings at all. What an odd morality check. So because something would've once been inappropriate based upon the roles it's always inappropriate?

This is like saying that since it's inappropriate for a boss to date a subordinate fair enough therefore it's inappropriate for a person to date someone that was ever their subordinate even if ten years had passed. What am I missing? Why is it immoral or inappropriate to date a fellow consenting adult that was once a student? The difference between your analogy is the fact that the boss-subordinate relationship began when both parties were adults. In contrast, the teacher-student relationship began when one person was underage. Even if there was no inappropriate behavior while the underage party was still in school, there would be questions as to the timeline of the relationship.

No admin would want a teacher working in their schoo who had questionalble morals. I wouldn't feel comfortable working with someone who sees ex students as possible sexual partners. Parents would be horrified at the situation. I still can't figure out why people are arguing so hard for the right to date their students. It shouldn't even be a consideration for a professional. Should it, absolutely not. So you see, your analogy is not valid. If a 40 year old teacher began a relationship with a 33 year old former student, no one in admin would care, the community would have no idea--nor would it be their business--and no one would question the timeline of the relationship.

This isn't the town in Footloose. What are you talking about? No one in this thread has advocated for dating their students. This line is nonsense and completely misrepresents the argument. Nothing you've said even attempts to explain why it's wrong. Hypothetical people being offended doesn't make it morally wrong. There is the way the world should work in which case, your logic would make perfect sense and there's the way the world actually works.

People are gossips by nature and something as controversial as dating an ex student would get around fast. If you choose to date an ex student, go for it. But don't be surprised if others do not share your liberal philosophy of teacher-student dating. Why risk your career for a relationship that will most likely go nowhere. It shows a lack of judgment in my opinion.

Dating someone who is under your authority is never ethical, regardless of the situation. True informed consent is impossible under those circumstances. Also, it's not a career risk for a tenured teacher. An investigation may occur, true, but there is absolutely nothing anywhere that says you cannot date a former student, so the teacher's career is not in jeopardy at all. As long as there is no evidence that the relationship started while the student was in the teacher's class, anyway. Yes, people would raise eyebrows. However, anyone willing to let raised eyebrows keep them from a fulfilling relationship deserves to be alone.

A lot of first-time high school teachers are fresh out of college, which makes them 22,usually. A high school graduate is 18 in most cases, or on the cusp, so no, it's not weird That window closes very, very quickly. Also, from a professional standpoint, it's kind of grey. It would be much worse if you made a habit of it. It would be totally unethical on my opinion to date them at that age. Even though the age between you is small, the power dynamic remains. I think you'd have to wait until the student had grown up and got their own adult life. I would much rather live a moral life than have some make believe votes, so yea, not really worried about that.

I don't care how many imaginary points I lose, the bottom line is that it's inappropriate to date a person who you taught. I see it as taking advantage of a position of power that was entrusted to you by the public. It also seems predatory because of the unequal power dynamic. The poster was talking about a gap of 8 years before it was "ok" to date a student.

Not cool in my book. If it was a current student, then yes, what you said about power dynamics would absolutely be true. However, an 18yr old is an adult, and, as a teacher, you'd have no power over her. I think that's a bit naive to think that. This is the grey area that makes me feel uncomfortable about the whole situation. My first year teaching was for 10th grade. So about a 6 year age difference. I know several and I've been invited to baby showers and all sorts of things.

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A group still invites me out to lunch when we're all in town. I've even had them come up to me at local bars drinking. I ran into a boy from class at the gym. He was turning 21 so I was probably 26 or 27 at the time. I won't lie, I thought a cute guy was checking me out. I was really making good time on the treadmill, too And that pretty much ruined it for me.

I can't see my kids as anything but. Even when they're married and have more kids than I do, it just seems weird to consider them adults. I mean as a student I see it as creepy and weird if they've just graduated, but if they come back five years later more mature and an ADULT, not a student, I don't see a problem with it. They're barely the same person they were years before that when they had the teacher for class, I'm guessing.

Want to add to the discussion?

If they had gotten together right after graduation I would guess there had been something going on the whole time and that's sketchy. In the UK, by law a teacher cannot date a current student of any age and cannot date an ex-student below 18 mandatory education finishes at I know of teachers from when I was at school who dated students as soon as they left school and are now married with children. It's a little weird but people get over it. By mandatory education I meant at a recognised school. Once past 16 they can leave to be educated in another form.

I agree with the extra two years, personally. We have an entirely separate education system here in Scotland. Only mandatory to It's illegal for a current student, even one not in your class. After graduation, it's fair game, slimey as it may sound. Ethically, once the relationship of power is off the table, it's just two adults having fun. Ethics does not dictate taste. From a perspective of professionalism, it is extremely unprofessional to carry on romantic relationships with current or former students.

On paper, it looks bad. If documented in some kind of civil or media action, it can end your career. So it's important not to put yourself at risk professionally. It is, in most circles, unethical. That being said, I know a teacher who taught a student music from the time she was a high school senior, or maybe junior - I'm honestly not sure. She graduated and was then invited back to instruct a year or more later. In secret, they began a relationship. At work, they stayed professional and discreet. They married a year later.

Dating a Former Teacher

Then the cat was out of the bag, but marriage sent a message that it was a serious personal decision and not a flippant foolery of professional indiscretion. They have a baby now. They both work in the same school system as well.

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I'm fairly sure this could have gone another way had administrators wanted to fire this teacher. But the administration really supports them both and really wants to do whatever they can to keep them because the program is running so successfully with their leadership. So, there's more than just ethics involved. In this day and age, it's not just about ethics exclusively. If you are on the chopping block already, dating a former student could definitely give a willing administrator the ammunition to go after you.

Dating my former high school teacher - Community Forums

So, I would advise against it. I would never do something like this, but it's how my parents met in the 80s, so I can't really judge. I graduated with over 1, classmates. I was just a face in the crowd. I barely knew my teachers. There were so many.

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  • Is it ethical for a highschool teacher to date an ex-student? : Teachers!

If one of those teachers ended up dating someone I had gone to school with it wouldn't be a big deal. You said that you graduated with 1, classmates, barely knew your teachers, and if one of your teachers dated a student it wouldn't have been a big deal. Your logic is thus Your actual words were "if one of those teachers ended up dating someone I had gone to school with it wouldn't be a big deal. You might not think that anyone would find out but when you begin working in schools you will realize that the teachers gossip more than the students.

I guess I might have to have a talk with him. I'm not sure yet. It's a process Adding, try, when out having a good time, taking his hand, spontaneously. Last edited by carhill; 11th January at Sometimes it's a little slower and our skin will slowly brush Still hasn't aimed for the lips though. I guess having "the talk" before we kiss would kill it. I guess I'll just be patient and make some moves without doing the actual kissing? Women rotate their heads. I swear it wasn't me. The key thing to watch with the cheek kissers is how they embrace you. Upper body only, hands-high?

Full body, hands running down back to waist? Um, yeah, that would be a lecherous old married fart Seriously, body language is an important indicator, and it goes both ways. I'm a bit shy tho and so is he. I might swallow a few shots of whiskey to loosen up a bit before our next date ughh. See that avatar in my post?

I Spent The Night in my Teachers House and She Had No Idea… (24 Hour Challenge)

It's next to the definition of "shy" in the dictionary. You'll get over it. Well thanks for your encouragement. All times are GMT The time now is 6: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. Very often they leave deep imprints of their knowledge, humanity and tolerance on the budding minds of the students.

Sometimes such relationships can be renewed years later with a romantic angle. So whether you are seeing a former teacher or just want to know what it would be like to do so, here are a few things to keep in mind. Be aware of the law Like medicine, teaching is seen more of a vocation than a profession. Hence it is guided by a code of ethics which may however vary from one society and country to another.

In most developed societies including United States, there are not legal barriers on a person wishing to date a former teacher, provided both are above the age of majority and there is no longer any continuation of the teacher-student relationship between the two. If you are above eighteen and have already graduated, dating a former teacher would not be something illegal. This is because most institutions have a very strict policy barring any romantic or sexual involvement between a teacher and a current student.

And if you have graduated only recently, there may be doubts that you both already shared more than a professional relationship while still at school or at least harbored such intentions.